How many things have we done in the name of Eros, or even just when we are smitten, that we have looked back later and wondered "What was I thinking?!" I am definitely guilty of ignoring my good friends in the name of Eros, a love which, at the end, was not what I had hoped for. I looked back and doubted that I ever had been in love, that I even knew what love was, and wished I had attended to the relationships of my friends instead of spending all my time with that one person, or worrying about that one relationship, or when I was with my friends, only talking about that one person and wishing it was him with me and not them. I think this situation ties into Lewis's thoughts of looking at versus along a situation. If I had been more objective when I was younger, I could have saved myself a lot of pain and still had meaningful dating relationships. But then again hindsight is always 20/20.
That being said, I can certainly see where Lewis gets the idea that Eros can become a god for us. How many times have we seen our friends choose to do foolish or strange things in the name of "love"? And TV, movies, ads, and books all give us the idea that if we aren't in love then somehow we are deficient, inadequate, abnormal, lacking something big, maybe even diseased in some way. Even going to Christian colleges where many times the mentality is that of the pressure of the "ring before Spring" mentality, or that of going just to get an "Mrs. degree" don'te give us respite from such mainstream ways of thinking.
And to make matters worse, this system is all set up so that even when we are in that Eros-type love, if we don't feel it every minute of every day forever, then something must be wrong. Lewis dispells this quite easily in the chapter - Eros makes us feel as though we must follow him, sacrifice for him, and yet is fickle and fleeting. This is not the Hollywood love story "happily ever after" life. This is reality. Wake up. Snap out of it. (I sure need to!) Love is a choice, it takes work, it isn't always what we expect it to be, and darn it, we do need to laugh about it, because otherwise this whole thing is taken way too seriously - and that type of seriousness would only lead to pain and tears in our romantic relationships. (Which is often filled with enough pain and tears anyway).
I think we need to recognize that marriage is a holy relationship, is created by God for our benefit, and that Eros is just one part of our lives, not the whole of it, and certainly not the goal. Yes, it can be a great benefit to us, to have a best friend that lives with us and loves us despite our faults and goes through our trials with us. But Eros is not the end all and be all of life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
your sentence Love is a choice, it takes work, it isn't always what we expect it to be, and darn it, we do need to laugh about it... I think plays into what Lewis says about good Lovers. Before they have kids, Lovers are always laughing at each other. However the cautionary thing is that we laugh as two who have mutual respect to for each other. After all just because you made the silly mistake that cause an hour argument next time she may make a mistake and you can always take the better way and laugh about it remembering how she had said she would never commit as silly a mistake as you had made and help her up and in this way we learn to act out our love.
ReplyDeleteI agree, love should not be taken too seriously. Seriously and with respect, yes, but like all other matters, never 'too' seriously. Love is to be enjoyed, it is a beautiful gift that induces laughter and brings strength, it is not something that God created to cry for, though it is certainly painful sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIt does always seem like you will be with someone for ever when you are "In Love" all the while the kind of love you have is not a self-given love but a 'give to me all the time' kind of love. LIke you said, when it all set on done, we look back and say "wow that was not what I thought love was like."
ReplyDelete